Restitution
by YamiPaladinofChaos
Summary: Seven years after a failed Third Impact, all seems right with the world. But the peace is at an end, as Shinji Ikari returns from a self imposed exile, bringing a tempest of feelings, confusion, and mystery to Tokyo 3.
1. Chapter 1 Prodigal

Disclaimer- I don't own Evangelion, property of Studio Gainax, Anno-san, plus a bunch of other people and associations.

Chapter 1 Prodigal

_The Eva Series, unholy ivory beasts, circle the sky, above the defeated carcass of Unit 02. He barely realizes that he's screaming as he charges the white monsters... _

_An unholy shattering noise as the Lance of Longinus tears thru air, and descends into his Eva's waiting hand..._

_A feral, deadly smile, full of hatred and bloodlust... _

_The merciless red haze of battle... blood sloshing against his armor and against the earth, the effortless motion as the Lance cleaves metal and flesh... the satisfaction as his enemies fall before him like wheat to a scythe..._

_Blood, tides of crimson that sweep away everything... screams of dying men as he slaughters them..._

_Standing in the middle of a field of bodies, mangled corpses scattered everywhere..._

The young man jerked upwards, panting, cold sweat drenching his body. _"That _nightmare again..." he groaned. In the aftermath of that fateful day, he had many different recurring nightmares about it. But this one... this was one he hadn't had in a while. Reliving the actual battle... and its aftermath.

That was something he had tried to erase from memory forever, and almost succeeded.

Trying to clear the memories from his mind's eye, he turned towards the window, taking in the city he swore he'd never return to.

"What the Hell am I doing?"

Of course, he knew what he was doing... just didn't know why. Was he that masochistic, that he would purposefully dig up the past he tried for seven years to leave dead and buried?

The young man clenched the armrest, drinking in the view of Tokyo-3 after five years absence. It had changed... the fortress of Man had become a living, breathing city. Though NERV was the heart of the community, there were businesses, theaters, malls, in short, life within the former city of the damned.

And there was the lake... man made... or Eva made, to be technical. The sight made his heart clench with grief and that distinct, bitter feeling of wanting to get as far away from that lake as possible.

But man had persevered, as always. Now it was the center of a bustling metropolis.

And to run away now was futile. He could not run... not from this.

Not from Eva.

The monotone voice of the pilot announced, with artificial cheer, that they would land in Tokyo-3 within minutes, blah, blah, blah and he tuned out.

He wished he still had his SDAT player... but that, like everything else, had been left behind.

Names, names he had tried so hard to forget, to bury along with his past, surfaced.

Touji... Kensuke... Misato... Ayanami... Father...

Asuka...

Briefly, he had the burning desire to ask the waitress for another drink. Not really an alcoholic like Misato, but he had, on occasion, drank away his sorrows. Within that wonderful liquid, he could find a temporary solace.

But no, he could not afford to be a roaring drunk. Not now. Not here.

Not when there were things to do. Not when-

A low, deep thump coursed through the airplane.

The plane had landed, he realized, and he had barely noticed.

With a deep sigh, the prodigal Shinji Ikari was finally home.

* * *

Captain Asuka Langely Sohryu, Operations Director, growled impatiently, glaring at the various members of the bridge crew, the core of NERV. "Where's the Commander?" 

"Behind you, Captain." Supreme Commander Fuyutsuki said calmly, stepping forth from the lift.

The irate young woman spun around, a furious glare in her eyes. They were different colors now, something that chipped into her surprisingly fragile ego deeply. One was the same beautiful sky blue it had always been, but the other had become a pale blue-white. The glare didn't even faze the Commander.

"Calm down Asuka." Sub Commander Misato Katsuragi soothed, as she wheeled herself over to the redhead, dressed now in the brown uniform of her position.

The bridge crew all winced slightly, despite being numbed, mostly, to the image. Misato had been near death, almost dying in the aftermath of the JSSDF attack... even now, she still needed a wheelchair to get herself around. Still, she was as tough as ever, and her liver was still indestructible.

"Calm down? How can I be calm when out of nowhere, I get orders to unfreeze the Evas!" Asuka snapped. "For God's sake Misato, they haven't been in use for seven fucking years! And now, out of nowhere, you expect me to just think that this is all for testing! I'm not a God damn idiot!"

Fuyutsuki sighed, raising his hand. "Fair enough Captain. You've made your argument."

The redhead noted that he explained nothing, but bit her tongue. Yelling at the commanders would do nothing except frustrate her further. "Would you at least_ try_ to keep me informed?" she said, exasperated.

Misato briefly considered telling at least part of the truth to Asuka, but realized that it would be difficult... and she was too afraid to tell the redhead herself. Anyway, the girl was smart enough to figure it out. Trying to move away from the subject, she turned towards the head of Project E. "Dr. Ibuki, how is the unfreezing going along?"

Doctor Maya Ibuki sighed, glancing at her clipboard. "Well, we still have all the data, so we should be finished within twenty four hours."

"Excellent." Commander Fuyutsuki murmured, closing his eyes. _Good... all the dragons are almost ready. _

_Your move, Keel. _

Asuka looked hesitant for a moment. "Will we be running synchronization tests?" she asked quietly.

Swallowing down the urge to leap out of her chair and comfort the young woman, Misato replied in a soft voice, "Yes Asuka." Her eyes sparkled with a little of that old life. "And that means you need to slim down to fit into that plug suit... you look like you've ballooned." She teased in a most unprofessional way.

Just as a flicker of that spark that once resided in Misato came to life, an ember of that inferno within Asuka blazed in her anger. "If anyone's ballooned, its you! You still guzzle down that beer like you're twenty-nine." She shot back, but a smile was on her face.

And with that, the Operations Director and the Sub Commander became lost in their own argument, to the amusement of the bridge crew.

* * *

Shinji Ikari shuffled through the streets of Tokyo-3, head down and hands in his pocket. He was trying his best to be unnoticed, and just make his way to NERV headquarters... 

Where he'd face everyone he'd left behind on that terrible day.

_You can never escape,_ a cynical voice breathed. _Why did you try?_

"Damn it..." he whispered softly, closing his eyes.

Which was why he accidentally bumped into someone, sending both stumbling backwards. Shinji's eyes snapped open, and he stammered out a quick apology.

"Ikari? Is that you?" the young woman asked incredulously.

Blinking, the former pilot searched his memory frantically. Dark hair, dark eyes, moderately pretty, full of dignified authority... "Class Rep?"

Hikari Horaki giggled slightly, smiling. "I haven't been Class Representative in a long time, Ikari."

"Oh." Shinji managed, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "Sorry..."

"Its okay." She smiled warmly at him, studying him carefully, but not scrutinizing. "What are you doing back here?" though she phrased it quietly and carefully, it was a question Shinji had been dreading.

"... NERV business." He finally replied, a forced, tight smile on his face. "How have you been Cla-Miss Horaki?"

"Call me Hikari." She continued to smile, and study him intently. "I've been good." After a brief silence, Hikari finally broke it. "You haven't told anyone you're coming?" what she really meant to say was, 'You haven't told _her_ you're coming, have you?'

"Well... I called Misato... but... no, I haven't told anyone else. I don't know how I could even talk to them." Shinji felt himself on the verge of rambling and stammering. Seven years and he still had old habits.

"I know Touji and Kensuke will be happy to see you." Hikari commented airily, but glanced at Shinji to gauge his reactions.

The ex-Third Child paused and flinched. Would they, he wanted to ask? He had left without a word, as if their friendship had meant nothing. As if he had never even been here. "I- I've got to head down to headquarters." He stuttered, and managed a quiet goodbye before he left, hurrying down the street.

* * *

Light... 

Water...

That was all that existed in this tiny bubble of a world.

A single form, a young, slender woman existed, encased within this world.

And there was another... a shape, a whisper...

The call... the call of the Other... of Lillith, Mother of All.

A call she had rejected once before... but the sound, that aching sirens song...

"Rei? We need you up on the bridge." Misato's voice whispered softly, filtered through the sound system installed in the tube.

Nodding, Rei Ayanami pulled herself free from the LCL, the liquid falling down in a heavy rain from her nude body. As she toweled herself off, she felt... a connection.

_He_ was finally back.

"Ikari..." she breathed softly, and a slight smile crossed her face.

* * *

Deep within the darkness, the Throne of Souls convened, manifest in twelve obsidian obelisks. 

"Ikari's son has returned to NERV." Seele 03 announced. "Fuyutsuki is marshaling his strength for another stand."

"Unit 01 and the Ikari family have proven to be a constant thorn in our sides." Seele 10 remarked with a tone of annoyance, despite the filtered voice. "We should never have brought either into being."

"Too true... Ikari's son may prove to be more of a problem than his father." Seele 02 spat hatefully.

There was a murmur of agreement among Seele.

"Irrelevant." Seele 01 cut in, asserting his authority. "We have our trump card. The Eva Series may have failed us, but this time, ascension will be ours. Ikari's tip of the hand will prove to be the realization of our dream."

"The Eva will be ready within the week." Seele 04 reported.

"Excellent. At last, the path is clear." Seele 01's smile was audible through the filter.

And with that, the Throne of Souls were dismissed.

* * *

NERV Headquarters... it hadn't changed a bit. 

"They even got the blood out." Shinji muttered darkly, gazing at the NERV symbol and motto.

_God's in His Heaven, all's right with the world._

Odd, for an organization who kills the Messengers of God.

He raised his newly issued security pass, pausing to glance at the identification.

Shinji Ikari. Third Child.

"Third Child..." Shinji whispered, rolling the unused term in his tongue. Yet another part of his past that he buried... but was forced to dig up. And it brought back the memories of the day he was handed the pass and his past.

_The darkened apartment was cluttered and dirty, the owner clearly not caring about his own existence. Stepping lightly, a figure entered the room, cloaked in light. _

"_Mr. Ikari?" _

_A young man turned, unshaven and unkempt. He looked a bit too much like the spy Ryouji Kaji, the intruder noted. "Yes? Can I-" Shinji sucked in a breath, and stared at the man a little closer. Though not really familiar, one must always know their commanding officers. "Commander Fuyutsuki?" _

_The gray haired man smiled, tilting his head slightly. "You remember me."_

"_How'd you find me?" the former pilot questioned warily._

"_The world isn't nearly large enough for Shinji Ikari, pilot of Unit 01 to disappear forever." Fuyutsuki said, almost smugly. _

_Shinji's eyes narrowed, and he growled. "I won't return..."_

_The Commander of NERV sighed. "I thought you might say that. But before you decide to throw me out, let me explain..."_

With a blink, Shinji realized he had been standing at the entrance for over a minute, completely still and silent. Shaking his head, he swiped the card through the slot with unconscious ease.

It beeped, confirming that it was indeed him, and briefly flashing his clearance level... which was unusually high, especially since he hadn't been a part of the organization for seven years.

An odd smile quirked its way across his face. The clearance level was so high because there was _nothing_ about NERV's bloody, dark past that he didn't know anyway.

As Shinji entered Headquarters for the first time in years, he came face to face with one of the many people he never wanted to see again.

"Hello Shinji. It's been a while."

* * *

Author's Remarks 

Yes, the whole 'Shinji leaves and comes back' scenario has been done to death. So why give this one a shot? I don't know... why are you? This will be different... I hope. There are no more Angels and no more Eva series, I promise.

Explanations on why and how Third Impact failed and what happened will be told later.

This is my first chaptered foray into the Evangelion world, and it's a different than any work I've previously done. Thanks for checking this done to death scenario out. I hope it won't disappoint.

And finally, this story is not pre-read.


	2. Chapter 2 Homecoming

Disclaimer- I don't own Evangelion, property of Studio Gainax, Anno-san, plus a bunch of other people and associations.

Chapter 2 Homecoming

"Hello Shinji. It's been a while." The woman paused, eyes running up and down his form in a studying, not hungry manner.

His clothing was frayed and faded, and her trained eye noted it as being worn through time, not abuse. It was modest, plain, and unassuming... it summed up the wearer's appearance perfectly. The only out of place object was the silver, equal armed crucifix necklace that hung from his neck, which had a slight red stain on it.

"You look... okay."

The young man swallowed down a scream. "Hello Misato."

* * *

"Mama..." Asuka whispered softly, glancing with either revulsion or love at the rebuilt Unit 02. It had only taken four years to reconstruct the Eva, but she hadn't seen it since... that day. To her, the Eva represented her life... pain, love, loss, duty, pride... death.

The red Eva showed no trace of any damage from its destruction at the hands of the Eva Series, but Asuka did. Unconsciously, she rubbed her right arm, the arm that had been scarred viciously. Even now, it ached.

Everything did. Where the pseudo-Lances had assaulted her, she still felt twinges of pain in her deep scars, some of which were visible, some of which were not. And if that wasn't enough, nightmares about those monsters still haunted her dreams, their mocking grins, their shrieks, their teeth...

Her eyes drifted towards Unit 01, and her mismatched orbs narrowed. "Idiot." Asuka growled. Shinji Ikari was a touchy subject at best with the woman. She was mixed on his saving her, hated him for running away, and that was just feelings from one day.

"Why unfreeze it... its not like any of us can pilot-" that train of thought was derailed violently.

The redhead had a sneaking suspicion that Unit 01 had been unfrozen because a certain pilot had finally returned to NERV.

With a snarl that frightened the techs around her, she turned and stalked off, looking for answers.

* * *

"How've you been?" Misato asked, as they walked (or rather, she wheeled and he walked), and immediately winced. It sounded fake and false, something you would say to any random stranger on the street, not a person you had lived with for a year.

"Fine." Shinji replied automatically, trying hard not to look at Misato's wheelchair. Every squeak seemed a vicious punch to his gut. He still remembered the blood on her lips as she kissed him, and her final words to him.

His words, like her's, sounded false, something one would say if they didn't give a damn about the question.

"That's great." Misato paused, and glanced once more at her old cross. "You kept it."

Shinji seemed confused for a moment, until he caught her eyes riveted to the crucifix on his neck. "Ye-yeah... well... I was holding it for you. Do you-"

"No... it's yours now. Keep it." The Sub Commander said quietly. She had tried, for seven long, agonizing years, to forget her vengeance, her hatred. That cross was the symbol of her past.

The atmosphere was strained, reminding both of them painfully of the waning days of the Angel War.

They drifted into uncomfortable silence, which hung like a lead weight.

Finally, Misato couldn't take it anymore, and she stopped. "Shinji, why did you leave?" it was practically whispered, full of sadness and regret and wistfulness.

It was a question that Shinji had been expecting and dreading. He knew he'd have to answer up to it all, answer up to why, that terrible day, he abandoned everyone. "Do you have to ask?" he asked, throat clenched tight.

"I really do." Misato said tersely.

Shinji whirled on her, anger and remorse in his eyes, and he advanced forward in fury. "You saw what I did! How... how could I go back to the way things were!" he paused, and turned away, that damn choke in his voice again. "I couldn't stay here... not after everything."

"They would have killed you!" the Sub Commander shouted angrily, meeting his advance with her own, wheeling herself forward.

"And what gave me the right to live! Why is it always me who survives!" Shinji cried desperately, backing away. "Kaoru, the JSSDF... why me?"

"You'd rather they'd have killed you!" Misato screamed, taking advantage of the retreat and pressing her advance, barely conscious that her wheelchair was about to crush the young man's foot.

"OF COURSE!"

The Sub Commander's eyes narrowed, and she pressed her face right into Shinji's. "You'd rather they have killed me?" she hissed.

He flinched.

"Or maybe Asuka, if she hadn't already been fighting for her life while you were hiding... or Rei, since they already managed to break into Terminal Dogma... or Touji, since he was once a Child too..." each name was like a physical strike, and Shinji lost ground and staggered backwards. "Shinji," Misato's tone had softened to a soothing whisper, "It was you or them. It's okay to feel regret, but don't let it consume you. They would have killed you and everyone else without a second thought."

Shinji nodded, not quite ready to accept the words, but placing them into his heart. "Where are we headed?" he asked hoarsely, as if their confrontation had drained him.

"The Commander's office." Misato replied.

He flinched again, though less noticeably. "Father..." Shinji whispered, freezing. The word brought back terrible memories, and a cold, rushing hatred.

Misato paused, unsure how to break the news. "Shinji... your father died in the JSSDF attack. They found his body in Terminal Dogma."

The hate was replaced with uncertainty. Was he supposed to feel sadness? Regret? He didn't know. "Oh."

They pressed on in silence.

Misato glanced at him. "I know this is... unsettling, to be thrown back into NERV, but-"

"Ikari."

The pilot looked up, and swallowed down a mixture of revulsion and sadness. Another person he didn't know how to react to. "Ayanami."

"Rei? I thought you were up at the bridge." The Sub Commander said, glancing curiously at the blue haired woman.

"I... I wished to see him." She replied, glancing intently at Shinji. She had rejected Commander Ikari for him, Misato remembered.

"Of course." And with that, the Sub Commander pulled forward, out of hearing.

Shinji found he couldn't look at Rei. Her origins... even now, he woke to a cold sweat and fading images of smiling, soulless shells of Rei.

After a few more moments of tense pause, Rei spoke. "You are uncomfortable... I will leave." She whispered neutrally, but her eyes seemed sad. Before he could say anything, she turned.

After a flicker of hesitation, Shinji grasped her hand. "Wait... I'm sorry. I shouldn't be rude." He said quietly, a slight smile on his face. "It's nice to see you again, really."

Rei turned, and smiled at him. A real, full smile, that made her face light up, and her beauty entrancing. Seven years really _was_ a long time, Shinji realized.

Maybe even long enough that old wounds could heal, and people could start over.

Shinji smiled back, this time warmly. "How have you been?"

* * *

As soon as she reached her apartment, Hikari haphazardly cast off her shoes and hurried towards the phone. With practiced ease she punched in a number.

Three rings. "Hello, Suzuhara residence."

"Hi Keiko. Is your brother home?" Hikari asked.

"Hikari!" Keiko Suzuhara squealed happily. "One second. Touji! Its Hikari!"

A few stumbles and muffled curses later, the elder Suzuhara picked up the phone. "What's up Hikari?"

"Shinji's back." She said bluntly.

There was a very long, or possibly very short pause. The silence was a choking miasma in the air.

"Oh." Touji managed.

Silence again.

"Do you want me to tell Kensuke?" Hikari asked quietly.

Touji sighed deeply. "No... I'll do it." Without another word, he hung up.

* * *

Shinji clenched his fist reflexively, an old habit he had not experienced in years. He stood, for the first time in seven years, in front of the Supreme Commander's desk. Though his father was gone (a fact he could barely accept), it felt as though his intimidating, haunting presence still lingered in the room.

Rei had offered to come inside with him, but Shinji wanted to talk with the Commander privately. Misato had to head over to the bridge earlier, to oversee the final unfreezing of the Evas.

"Hello Shinji." Commander Fuyutsuki greeted levelly. "Please, take a seat."

The former pilot took the seat, and tilted his head in acknowledgment. "Commander." He replied neutrally. After a moment of silence, Shinji voiced his first question. "Why didn't you tell me father had died?" he asked accusingly.

The Supreme Commander blinked in surprise, but his surprise passed like it was never there. "I had though you would have been notified, if not by us, then by the government, about your father's demise." Fuyutsuki responded calmly.

Shinji's face quirked into a bitter smile. "I doubt the Japanese Government wants anything to do with me." He paused, and raised a curious eyebrow. "Speaking of which... how did you get me into the country? I would have thought that I was unwelcome."

Fuyutsuki smirked. "True, the government is upset with you, but NERV is still a powerful organization. I have my ways."

"I suppose so..." Shinji trailed off into silence, glancing out into the blinding light that made up the walls of the office.

The Commander coughed, and said briskly, "Now, down to business..."

Shinji sighed, a feeling of weariness wearing on his body after talking with Commander Fuyutsuki. Though more... _welcoming_ than his father, being at NERV, being in that office, being in this damn city made him want to scream and run back to the hole he had buried himself in.

And it was only about to get worse... because, like so many things today, he would see Unit 01 for the first time in seven years.

* * *

He was alone, walking the halls of the Geofront. Rei was getting suited up, Misato was on the bridge, and Asuka...

Shinji hoped to just avoid the redhead as long as possible... he felt guilty enough as it was without seeing her face.

Eventually, the hallway ended and the unholy visage of Unit 01 welcomed him back to his Hell.

* * *

Misato's eyes were riveted to Shinji's visage on the screen, not paying attention to any of the titles or the numbers, just his face. She studied him, trying to find the boy she knew in the man who returned.

Nearby, Maya's own eyes were rapidly scanning the incoming data impassively. It had been a long time since she did this, but it was so ingrained in her conscious than it came naturally.

"How are the Children?" Commander Fuyutsuki asked.

"Asuka's is acceptable from her scores before... the attack, and considering her time away." Maya reported, briefly choking on the memory of the attack. Blood, screams, Aoba's furious shouts...

"What about Shinji and Rei?" Sub Commander Katsuragi questioned, looking over at the suddenly distracted doctor.

Flushing slightly at her lax attention, the doctor quickly scanned the screen. "Oh... Rei's is quite high, taking into account that she has been away from her Eva the longest." Maya frowned, glancing over the numbers again. "But Shinji's has decreased dramatically, even accounting the years he hasn't piloted."

"But it's still within acceptable limits, correct?" Fuyutsuki asked levelly.

The head of Project E briefly considered asking why their sync scores were so important, but decided to forgo the questioning. "Yes, sir."

"Excellent." The Commander murmured, and left without a word.

"Alright, we're done now. Good work everyone." Maya's warm voice drifted over the com, slightly startling the Third Child (which was what he was, once more). He was still used to Doctor Akagi's voice drifting over the speakers, cold and businesslike.

He briefly wondered what had happened to the doctor, but decided that he was better off not knowing. Enough was enough, and the pilot had taken in too much information for one day.

Shinji exhaled slowly, hating the bloody taste of LCL that clung to his mouth and his body. As he exited the entry plug, he picked up his pace slightly, hoping to retreat to the safety of the men's locker room before he was faced with the unappealing scenario of talking with the Second Child, who was currently still within her own entry plug.

Luckily for him, he managed to get to the locker room without running into Asuka. With an almost desperate haste, Shinji jerked the shower on, sighing in relief as the warmth of the water struck him, sweeping the clinging drops of LCL off his body and the smell of blood.

He didn't know how long he stayed in that shower, letting the steam rise and create a miasma around him, but he enjoyed it, as if it was cleansing all the troubling feelings in his soul away.

Eventually, he decided that his skin couldn't withstand any more, and toweled off. As Shinji exited the locker room, he felt refreshed, and ready to sleep the rest of his first day in Tokyo 3 away.

Which is why, he didn't notice the redhead leaning against the wall next to the door.

"Well... look whose back." She drawled, raking her glare over Shinji, who froze up as he turned towards his former roommate.

"H-hello Asuka."

* * *

Seele 01, known also as Keel Lorenz walked through the halls of the facility confidently, belying his age. The hallway was lit, but ended in darkness, but it didn't matter to the leader of Seele. He knew his way.

Stepping lightly into shadow, he triggered a single pillar of light, which burst into being.

It was a large tube, filled with amber LCL. A single naked shape floated within, eyes closed. The skin was ghostly white, almost glowing, and the hair was matted and gray.

"Your day is imminent. Soon, you will accomplish what you were created for." Keel murmured, smiling.

The boy within opened his blood red eyes, and smiled back.


	3. Chapter 3 Rapproachment

Disclaimer- I don't own Evangelion, property of Studio Gainax, Anno-san, plus a bunch of other people and associations.

Chapter 3 Rapprochement

For a moment, an eternity, neither Child moved, nor spoke.

Shinji only met her gaze for a moment, briefly noting that she was wearing Misato's flight jacket, her feature's hardened and matured...

Except her eyes. Those mismatched eyes that screamed his failure right back at him.

Asuka glared at him almost expectantly, arms crossed over her chest, standing in that confident, aggressive manner he had come to admire and respect. She seemed to be waiting, wanting to hear... something.

While she did, she took a moment to study the Third Child. He had grown taller, though was about as skinny as ever. The meek look had been replaced with an air of constant anguish and torment, and his every movement made it seem that he was trying not to run away again.

Shinji, unable to look into her mismatched eyes any longer, looked downwards. What could he say? _Hey, its been awhile?_ _How's your scarred, battered body?_ _Are you mad I left you out there to die?_

Or maybe, just, _I'm sorry?_

After another eternity of silence, Asuka snorted. "Well, you're as delightful as ever, Third Child."

Still, the pilot of Unit 01 did not react, and did not look her in the eye.

The Second Child's eyes narrowed and her glare intensified. _That bastard! What right does he have to self-pity! He's not the broken one, he's not the one whose been disfigured!_ She growled, and without another word, stormed off.

And still, Shinji simply stared downwards. Long after she was gone, and he still stood, alone, in that empty Spartan hallway, he finally spoke, in a whisper.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

A light knock at her door brought Misato Katsuragi's attention away from the mountain of paperwork. "Come in." The Sub Commander said, glancing upwards before smiling slightly. "Oh, hi Shinji."

The young man stood awkwardly in the doorway, shifting uncomfortably. "Are you busy?"

Misato shook her head. Technically, she was, but it must have been difficult to come back to NERV after so long, so she cut Shinji some slack. "What's on your mind?" she asked, leaning back slightly into her wheelchair.

"Um... do you know where I can find a place to stay?" Shinji asked awkwardly, casting his gaze downwards.

This posed a difficult question for the older woman. He was old enough to look after himself, but living alone in a strange city... "Are you still used to living alone?" Misato asked quietly.

The Third Child nodded. "Yeah..."

"Then I guess I'll have to take you in." The Sub Commander said calmly, but her lips quirked into a smile.

Shinji blinked, looking surprised, but smiled back. "Thank you."

* * *

Touji looked up at the apartment building. It looked the same, dark red, rectangular, multiple balconies, and only a few residents.

But one of those residents was bound to be the Third Child.

Shinji...

"Aw, hell... he's probably not even there." Touji tried to convince himself, chuckling slightly, falsely. It didn't work...

But he pretended it did.

And so, with a slow and steady pace, he ran away, far from what was bound to be a painful reunion.

* * *

Shinji felt some of the tension he had felt since landing in Tokyo-3 dissipate as he laid on his old bed. For a moment, he simply stared at the ceiling.

"Familiar ceiling..." the pilot whispered softly, and somehow, it felt... right.

A knock on his door brought his attention away from the ceiling.

"Shinji? Can I come in?" Misato asked quietly, muffled by the door.

"Sure." He said, sitting himself up.

Misato paused as she opened the door, staring at him, a slight smile crossing her face. "You answered me this time." At Shinji's dumbfounded look, she elaborated, "The first night you stayed here... I said the same thing, but you didn't answer."

Realization struck him, and he nodded, swallowing down the memories of the first sortie against the Third Angel.

"I'm glad you came back Shinji..." the Sub Commander whispered softly, wheeling herself next to the bed. "I know you don't want to be here... but there are people who missed you."

Shinji glanced at her, touched by the admonition but otherwise still overwhelmed by his return.

"Did you see Asuka?" Misato asked, her tone still in a whisper.

The Third Child stiffened slightly, but noticeably. "Ye-yeah... she didn't look too happy to see me." He paused, and glanced over at his former guardian. "Where does she live now?"

"She's in an apartment a few floors down. She moved out three years ago, when she was old enough." Misato replied, glancing out the window. "She said she wanted to get out of here... but still ended up so close that I see her every day."

"I see."

Silence fell once more, a chilling reminder of the last days of 2015, when their strange little family had fallen apart like a deck of cards.

Finally, Shinji had to ask. "I thought you were dead Misato... how..."

The Sub Commander didn't look at him, a far away look in her eyes, but spoke. "I got lucky again... just like Second Impact." Her chuckle was bitter, and she paused, allowing memory to narrate for her.

* * *

_The elevator hummed, beginning its rapid ascent to the cages. She slumped against the wall, leaving a trail of blood against the metal surface. _

_Her vision narrowed into a tunnel of utter darkness. _

"_Look's like this is the end..." Misato whispered, clutching her bleeding side. _

_Outside, a soldier barked out orders to pull back so they could demolish this area. They were to sweep the facility and exterminate any NERV personnel still in the area. _

_They were going to annihilate NERV down to the last man._

_Her words to Shinji returned to her. How could she just lay there and die when other's were still fighting?_

_Trying to stand, the major staggered over to the far wall, trying to find another exit, a vent, anything._

_Luck was with her, for at that moment, an explosion engulfed the room, burning the place where she once lay..._

_And everything went black._

"Apparently that explosion knocked me into a vat of LCL... that managed to keep me alive until they found me. But my legs were badly damaged in the explosion... too damaged." Misato finished, and finally looked at Shinji, who simply sat there, silent.

"I'm glad you made it... I thought you were dead." The pilot said softly, after a few minutes of contemplative silence.

"Some people thought you were too, Shinji..." Misato replied, glancing away again. "After the battle, all we found was an empty entry plug in the woods."

Shinji didn't reply, remembering his horror induced panic, and the indeterminate amount of time he spent running. After that, it was just a blur until he found himself outside the Geofront, staring down into the battlefield he just left... all the bodies he had piled up in order to survive.

He remembered vomiting... a lot of vomiting. Just the thought of the aftermath still made him queasy.

"Well... good night Shinji." Misato said, and smiled at him again, that smile he remembered so well, one of teasing and flirting. "I'll wait till tomorrow to finish what we started back there." She winked at him, and sauntered off, somehow managing to retain that pseudo-seductive look despite her handicap.

As the Third Child sputtered and blushed, the Sub Commander laughed loudly. It was good to see that some thing's never changed.

* * *

Meanwhile, a few floors down, a discussion about the Third Child was taking place.

"You saw Ikari today?" Hikari asked, her voice unusually calm over the phone.

Asuka's eyes narrowed, though no one was around to feel her fearsome glare. "You don't seem surprised..." she growled.

"I bumped into him earlier today, just before he went to NERV." Hikari explained patiently, not at all affected by her friend's temper. "Why do you think he's back?"

"I don't know and I don't care." The redhead replied in a matter-of-fact tone, though her voice carried a sharp edge to it. "That idiot just waltzes back into NERV, and no one cares enough to tell me!"

"Maybe they wanted to keep it a secret... after all, the media would probably swarm all over him." After the JSSDF attack, the media renewed its efforts to contact the Children. Rei of course, brushed it off, but Asuka reveled in it. However, the news always tried to find the Third Child, the hero or villain, depending on your point of view, of that fateful day.

A lot of hoaxes about false sightings came in for the first three years, then gradually slackened off until nearly everyone believed that Shinji Ikari was either dead or in hiding.

So why now?

"That's true... but I'm the God damn Operations Director!" Asuka shouted, gripping the phone tightly as a growl emanated from her throat. "I should be informed if a _pilot_ of all people is returning."

For an indeterminate amount of time, both young women were silent.

"Its strange... seven years and there was never a word from him. Then now, out of the blue, he just comes back." Asuka mumbled, eyes on the floor. "Something's going on... the Eva's unfrozen, Shinji coming back..."

"Do you think its an Angel?" Hikari asked, a tone of nervousness in her voice. After all, the last few Angels had demolished Tokyo 3, leaving it a mighty ruin.

"Maybe... the Commander said there were no more Angels though." The redhead replied quietly. If it had been Commander Ikari, the word would have been scrutinized. But Fuyutsuki had proven himself more trustworthy than the previous commander, though the idea of him keeping secrets was not easily dismissed.

"You should ask Misato tomorrow..." Hikari yawned, and smacked her lips sleepily. "Now I think we've talked enough about Ikari for one night... I'm going to bed."

"Good night Hikari."

"Night Asuka."

Click.

Setting the phone down slowly, the redhead walked to her bedroom in a slight daze, haphazardly falling onto the mattress.

And although the Second Child laid on her bed and closed her eyes, she was unable to get her mind away from her unanswered questions.

* * *

Shinji awoke early the next morning, and for a moment, felt that he had taken a trip back in time. He half expected to hear Asuka screaming through the door, ordering him to make breakfast and not peek at her in the shower.

But, the moment passed, and the Third Child wandered over to the kitchen, intent on making breakfast. Cooking calmed his nerves somewhat, and the sleep had given him some clarity.

Pen-pen staggered out of his fridge, the warm water penguin still going strong, though graying now. With a smile, Shinji tossed him a can of open fish, which the penguin eagerly devoured.

After all, the difference between Misato and Shinji's cooking was... wide, to say the least.

Misato's door opened, and the Sub Commander wheeled in slowly, rubbing her eyes and smacking her lips sleepily.

"Morning." Shinji greeted, glancing over at the older woman.

Blinking, Misato's eyes widened as she saw the pilot, but quickly regained her composure. "Morning Shinji," she yawned, and went to the fridge, taking out a beer and chugging it down.

_Some things never change,_ Shinji thought wryly. "I thought you gave up drinking." He said out loud, eyes fixed on the miso soup.

"Yeah well, I went back." The Sub Commander replied in a matter-of-fact tone. "But I've cut down... not as young as I once was, you know."

They descended into a strange, but comfortable silence as they sat down for breakfast. Midway through the meal, however, Shinji spoke, having reflected on Misato's words from seven years ago.

"I still don't have any answers, Misato." The Sub Commander blinked and looked up, uncomprehending, but Shinji continued, briefly biting into the toast. "I learned things... but nothing that I needed. Just a whole lot of things I didn't need or want."

Misato, realizing what he was talking about, responded quietly, "So, is that why you came back? For an answer?"

Shinji sighed, taking his finished dishes and placing them in the sink. With his back to the woman, he replied, "Maybe."

Again, silence.

As Misato finished her meal, she complimented, "Good work, Shinji. I see you improved while you were away." It wasn't clear if she was talking about the food or himself. When he didn't respond, gazing out of the window, she continued in a less cheerful tone, "You don't have to come in today. You should look around town... maybe see your friends."

Shinji stiffened.

Noticing this, Misato continued, "They might already know you're here, Shinji. You should at least try to talk to them."

The Third Child didn't respond.

With a sigh, the Sub Commander wheeled outside, heading towards the bullet train in the next block, installed mostly for her use.

Before she left, Misato said softly, "Please Shinji. Don't wall your heart away... don't run away again."

And though Shinji didn't respond, she knew he heard.

* * *

Shinji wandered the streets of Tokyo 3 apathetically, not really searching for anything, not really going anywhere. Most people had already gone to work, so he was relatively alone.

So he wandered...

Much like he had wandered for the past seven years.

Was there even a point in returning? Everyone had seemingly moved on with their lives, gotten past that day, seven years ago.

Everyone except him.

He carried the burden of that day.

No... no he didn't, Shinji realized. Misato would never walk again, thousands if not millions of people had been affected by the events, and Asuka had been disfigured.

He was being selfish again.

"I hate myself." He whispered softly, bowing his head.

"I can't say I'm too happy to see you too, Shin-man."

Shinji's head whipped up so fast he could have hurt himself. "Touji?" he whispered disbelievingly.

Crossing his prosthetic and real arms, Touji Suzuhara nodded slightly, his face neutral. He was taller now, half a head taller than Shinji, his hair unruly and his entire frame seemed stronger, despite the false limbs.

To Touji, it seemed like the pilot hadn't changed much at all. Still had the quiet, reserved air of hidden pain, was still skinny and uncertain.

The two old friends stared at each other, until Shinji glanced away, unable to look at Touji anymore. This was the first time he had seen Touji since the Thirteenth Angel...

"I should hit you, y'know. But I still owe you one." Touji said, his tone with a slight edge to it.

"R-right." Shinji stuttered, remembering the beating he had incurred within moments of their first meeting. Not getting punched out seemed a nice break. "Listen, Touji... I'm so-"

"Are you sorry about what happened to me? Because if you are, forget it. It was me or you." Touji interrupted brusquely, eyes narrowing. "I'd only accept an apology if you're sorry for leaving your friends without a damn word."

The Third Child bowed his head.

Touji's eyes narrowed further, a slight glare burning from his gaze. "I thought you were better than that, Shinji. I thought you weren't going to run away anymore."

Shinji raised his head, trying to defend himself. "I couldn't stay! You must have heard what I did..." he turned his head, "I wouldn't be surprised if I was hated by most of this country."

"Well, the jury is still out on whether you were a hero or villain that day," Touji replied, his gaze still boring into the smaller man's head, "But to me, that depends on one thing. Did you care at all, that you were leaving your friends behind?" his voice raised slightly.

"Did you care that Misato cried when she woke up in the hospital, when she found you were gone? She didn't cry when she found out she couldn't walk, but for you, you _ungrateful bastard_, she did!"

This struck a chord in Shinji, and he whipped his head back, his own voice raised, "Of course I did, damn it! I didn't want to leave Misato, or you, or..."- _everyone-_ "I didn't want to do that."

"But you did anyway."

"I had no choice!" the pilot of Unit 01's shout caused a few curious glances, but most people went on their way. "You wouldn't understand..."

Now it was Touji's turn to be angry, as he grabbed Shinji's collar, hoisting him up in the air. "_I wouldn't understand?_" he hissed furiously, "How do you think I felt when all those people got killed at Matushiro! Knowing that it was my Eva who caused that explosion! I can barely look at Misato, knowing that she could have died too!"

"That's not the same!" Shinji snapped. "You had no control! That was an Angel! But I killed those people... _I_ lost control and _I murdered those soldiers, _and I _enjoyed it!_ You knew it was wrong... I didn't."

That seemed to make Touji blinked in surprise. He had preferred to believe that it had been Unit 01 going to berserk that accomplished that brutal massacre, but hearing these words from Shinji... "Then why do you care now?"

"Because I regret it..." the Third Child trailed off, and his gaze turned to the floor again. "But it doesn't matter... because I'll never get clean. Not anymore."

"You know Sohryu killed some of the JSSDF too." The Second Child's name caused Shinji to flinch. "For a devil, she seemed a little sad. But she didn't go running off."

"She killed _some._ I killed them all." His fists clenched. "I should have been the one to die that day. I should have stopped, should have kept control..."

"Then keep control. Stop next time you go on a rampage," Touji said dryly, but the humor was lost on the Third Child, "You made a mistake. So accept that, and move on."

Blinking in surprise again, Shinji smiled slightly. "You've grown up, Touji."

Rubbing the back of his head, Touji merely replied sheepishly, "Don't tell anyone. It'll ruin my reputation."

Grinning, the Third Child rolled his eyes. "We can't have that." He said sardonically. As they shared a glance, they both chuckled.

"You want to grab some lunch?" Touji asked, glancing at the pilot.

Shinji paused. He didn't really come back to Tokyo-3 to catch up with old friends, renew relationships... but why he came back didn't seem so important right now. "Sure."

After a moment, Shinji asked lightly, "So, how's Kensuke?"

"He's good. Always traveling, photographing everything in sight." Touji replied, and began walking forward.

"Just like old times." Shinji commented, and the two shared another look, as if they were fourteen again, glancing at each other as Kensuke went on a military rant, as if to say, _Why do we hang out with him again?_

Laughing slightly, the two friends began to mend a barrier of seven years.

Across the street, a man ducked into an alley. With an almost gleeful look, he punched in a number on his cell phone.

"Hello? Its me. You won't believe whose come back to Tokyo-3..."

Author's Remarks

Parts of the chapter are a parallel to Episode 2 (evidenced in all the quotes and reminiscing). This took longer to finish because of the lack of action, but then again, most of this story revolves around character interaction, not action.

Shinji felt (to me, anyway) a bit out of character in the final paragraphs, but he is hanging out with his friends, something we only catch glimpses of in the series. Touji feels more mature, but taking into account his lost limbs and the time passed, I think it should be accurate.

I wish I could have put Rei in this chapter, but unfortunately, there was nowhere I could place her and keep the flow of the story.

Some people have asked about romance, namely whether this is an Asuka/Shinji or Shinji/Rei story. Its neither. Its not a romance story at all, actually. It will have A/S overtones, but is free of any actual romance. This is not that sort of story.

The spelling of Kaoru/Kaworu has been put into debate. I know that in one screen in Episode 24 is says Kaworu, but the English translation refers to him as Kaoru. And since I've already spelled it that way, I'll keep it that way.

But the name doesn't matter, really. You'll see why.

Oh, and to anyone who managed to read "The NERV Guide To Angel Attacks" the one day it was here before demolished it, I've moved it to Mediaminer. You'll find me under the same name over there.


	4. Chapter 4 Conundrum

Disclaimer- I don't own Evangelion, property of Studio Gainax, Anno-san, plus a bunch of other people and associations.

Chapter 4 Conundrum

"So what have you been doing, Shinji?" Touji asked, taking a bite out of his food.

Shinji glanced up at his friend, not really hungry, but enjoying time spent with a friend. It had been a long time since he had talked, _really_ talked, with anyone.

"After I left town, I did a few odd jobs, mostly to keep myself alive." He said off handedly, smiling slightly. "Some very nice people helped me out, helped me leave the country... I learned English and saw Europe..."

"Wow, you really went everywhere, didn't you?" Touji commented, leaning back into his chair and crossing his arms behind his head. "Kensuke always wondered how you managed to get away from NERV for so long."

The Third Child's smile was sad and small. "There was so much confusion that day... with the Magi cut off, there was no way of them tracking me till after I skipped town. After that, I just... disappeared."

He said no more, and Touji decided not to push him any farther.

"Hey, you gonna eat that?" he asked, eyeing Shinji's food.

Shinji's lips quirked into a tiny hint of a real smile. "No." He said, rolling his eyes.

* * *

A red light beeped at the desk of Seele 01. Keel frowned, and punched in the number. It was Seele 03.

The image of the hook nosed man was bathed in yellow light, and he was looking as unpleasant as ever.

"What is it?" Seele 01 demanded briskly.

Seele 03 grinned nastily. "My contacts," he said, his tone oily and slick, "Have reported sightings of the Third Child walking the streets of Tokyo 3. Unguarded."

"What of it?" Keel asked, irritated at being contacted without forewarning.

The man merely grinned wider, unaffected by his tone.. "I am requesting that I dispatch the boy before he may interfere with our plans. The Ikaris have been known to do so."

Seele 01 contemplated this. With their new scenario, Unit 01 could be more of a nuisance than an asset.

And its pilot was a known enemy.

And not just any enemy, but the spawn of Commander Ikari. The boy would suffer for both the sins of his father and himself.

After all, they had restrained their anger for so long.

"Make it so."

Seele 03 bowed his head, and the grin could have split the man's face.

* * *

Misato wheeled herself towards the break room, the stifling atmosphere of the command center always bothersome for her.

As she entered the lounge, she found it occupied by a single redhead.

"Hey Asuka," the Sub Commander greeted sunnily.

The Second Child merely grunted in response, a frosty glare in her eyes.

After living with the explosive girl and then working with the woman, Misato was used to the cold shoulder. "You're upset with me, aren't you?" she said calmly, placing a few coins in the vending machine. "For not telling you."

"What do you think," Asuka responded testily, having a sip of her own drink, "Sir." She added as an afterthought.

Sighing, the older woman moved herself next to the captain. "Look... I had to keep this quiet, okay. The Commander ordered me not to tell anyone."

"And since when has orders ever stopped you, Misato?" the Director of Operations snarled, crushing her can with one violent movement. "I thought we were friends. But I guess I was wrong." And with that, she spun, storming off, but the Sub Commander grasped her wrist.

"Look... I didn't even know if Shinji would return. All I had to go on was Commander Fuyutsuki's word. And..." she paused, and sighed deeply. "I didn't want to make things harder for him, if he came back."

For a moment, Asuka stood still, contemplating the words. Then, with her usual arrogance, merely said, "It's not like I care that the dork is back. I just hate being left out, especially since I am technically third in command."

Misato smiled slightly. "I know, I know. I should have known you'd be mature enough to handle this." She said, half meaning the words.

"Yes, you should have." The redhead replied, raising her head high. "Now, could you let go of my wrist? I have work to do, y'know?"

* * *

A phone rang.

"Yes?"

"It's me. Keel has given me the green light."

"Understood sir. I will proceed as planned."

"Do not reveal yourself unless you cannot kill the boy any other way. Leave no evidence of my involvement. I don't want any witnesses unless its absolutely necessary. Is that clear?"

"Crystal, sir."

"Good."

Click.

* * *

Its well known that a rumor spreads like wildfire. However, Shinji Ikari must never have heard of such a thing.

Despite being the pilot of cutting edge technology, despite being the equivalent of a fourteen year old soldier, Shinji had never been in the limelight before. He despised any sort of attention like that, but never once thought of being any sort of public figure.

This is why that he was completely caught off guard when he stepped outside of the restaurant, and was mobbed.

"Mr. Ikari! A word!"

"Why are you back here in Tokyo 3!"

"Is it true the Evangelion's are being reactivated!"

"Do you have anything to say to the families of the soldiers!"

"Are you here to take over your father's position as Commander of NERV!"

He simply stood there, uncomprehending.

Luckily, Touji happened to keep his head, pushing himself in front of his long absent friend, waving both arms in front of them, shoving the journalists back. "Hey! Piss off!" he snarled.

Of course, the media is never deterred by protests.

"Mr. Ikari, where have you been in the past seven years!"

"Do you regret the brutal massacre that day!"

The demands were unceasing, and brutal on Shinji's already fragile mind. Numbly, he just stood there, taking every question that he dreaded to face.

* * *

Misato absentmindedly rubbed her wrist. One of these days, she decided, her wrist was going to fall off from all of this paperwork.

Just as she was about to put the pen back to the paper, her phone rang.

Shaking the cramps out of her wrist, she picked up the phone.

"Commander Katsuragi here."

"This is Section Two. We're getting reports of the Third Child being mobbed by reporters."

"Shit." The Sub Commander's eyes widened. "Get those damn reporters out of there! Now! And tell PR to get their Goddamn asses in gear!"her voice was angry, and she slammed the phone down, hard.

After a moment of quietly sitting there, she roughly grabbed the phone again.

"This is Katsuragi. Get me a car."

* * *

On a rooftop, the assassin cursed. It was bad enough that damn Ikari boy had been in a public area. But now the frickin media?

But he had been paid handsomely for the effort. And with that sort of money, whoever was paying him could quite possibly have him taken out as well.

The target was always, always the most important thing in this game.

Any other casualties were merely collateral.

* * *

"Major Sohryu."

Asuka swung her head towards a most unwelcome sight. Though her childish enmity had fallen away with time, she still harbored a deep resentment toward the First Child. "What is it First Child?"

Rei bowed her head slightly. "Where is Ikari?"

Scowling, the Operations Director turned away. "How the hell should I know? I'm not his keeper. Besides, he's probably meeting up with his friends by now."

The First Child frowned. "Why do you hate him so?" she asked.

Asuka spun around, eyes blazing. "I am your superior officer. You will address me as such!" she snapped.

Rei nodded her head once. "My apologies. Why do you have him so, sir?"

Her nose flared and Asuka gritted her teeth. "I don't have to answer to you." She responded tersely. "Now get out of my sight."

Unaffected, Rei merely cocked her head to the side. "Is it because you harbor resentment toward him? Because he saved you?" her voice was toneless, but relentless. "Or because he didn't?"

Asuka's eyes widened, and she slapped the First Child. "Shut your mouth bitch!" her fists curled, but she didn't strike. "You don't know a damn thing about me! So shut up!"

Rei didn't even touch her already darkening cheek. "My apologies." She repeated. "I spoke out of turn." And with that, she turned and left, leaving the Second Child with fists curled.

"DAMN IT!" Asuka swore, and punched the metal wall, splitting her knuckles and bruising them. Even as a small trickle of blood began to fall from her fingers, she shakily removed them from the undamaged wall.

She didn't move for a long time.

* * *

"What about the rumors you've secretly been hunting down the members of the organization Seele!"

"Or that you had a hand in your estranged father's death!"

After every question, Shinji seemed to sink deeper and deeper into himself.

And then... worse things happened.

"MURDERER!"

As if he had been electrocuted, Shinji's head shot up, and he glanced wildly about, before spotting an angry, red faced woman in the crowd. She was crying.

"You killed my husband!" she yelled furiously, and tried to rush through the crowd at him, but the mob of reporters was too thick.

Soon, others took up verbal arms. And some were much closer.

"You killed my son you bastard!" a middle aged businessman, probably very calm in normal life, roared, and punched the Third Child in the face, knocking him backwards.

Shinji's eyes dulled, as though the fist had struck out at his soul.

"MURDERER!" others shouted.

Before the man could strike again, Touji stepped in.

"Back! Get the hell back!" Touji scowled as he grabbed Shinji's arm, roughly trying to drag him away.

But the reporters and the vengeful grabbed at him, a confusing maelstrom of arms and hands and shouts and screams.

And then...

A shot rang out.

It cut apart the other sounds with effortless ease, and for a moment, everything went silent.

Shinji's eyes widened as the blood soaked his shirt.

* * *

Misato scowled as her cell phone rang again. Keeping one hand on the wheel (not much of a detriment of her driving skill), she grabbed the cell. "Katsuragi."

"This is Section Two."

The next words out of the agent's mouth nearly caused several pedestrian's their lives.

"WHAT! GET YOUR ASS DOWN THERE NOW!"

* * *

There are moments in time where things stand still.

This was not one of those times.

Everything was a whirlwind of sound and blood and noise, people screaming and running and shouting.

The assassin cursed again, trying to fix his aim, but his number of bullets did not allow any waste. He could not afford to screw up this job.

Luckily for him, failure wasn't an option any more as a Section Two agent put a bullet through his skull.

Shinji felt the blood against his shirt, and hands shakily touched it. The sickly wet liquid seemed to snap some sanity back into him.

"TOUJI!"

He knelt, shaking Touji. "Don't die! Please..." he said desperately. He couldn't take it if another person died.

Dimly, he heard someone clearing the crowd, before a hand grasped his shoulder. Shinji's head turned to see the mirrored glasses of a Section Two agent.

"Are you alright Mister Ikari?"

"Don't worry about me!" Shinji snapped urgently. "Help him!"

Another agent knelt, feeling the wound. "Its bad," he reported, frowning. He opened his cell from an inner pocket in the suit. "We need medical down here now."

The woman who had shouted earlier had made her way through the crowd. "Murderer!" she yelled again.

And this time, Shinji reacted, looking down at the blood on his fingers.

He always hurt those he cared about.

"I'm sorry." He whispered softly, and fled, trying but failing to outrun the pain.

* * *

"Ugly bastard, aren't you?" Doctor Roberts commented, glancing at the unholy creature. Construction was finally being finished after seven years, and still that _thing_ didn't look any less horrible.

It shouldn't have taken so long, but with funding limited due to secrecy, plus the lack of adequate personnel, equipment...

Well, the doctor should have been pleased that he managed to finish in seven years at all.

But Seele was impatient, the once seemingly indomitable cabal in a frantic race against time. Seven years of hiding from the U.N., from NERV. In an instant, fortune had turned its back on Seele, and only their extensive resources kept the Throne of Souls alive.

Doctor Roberts' eyes narrowed hatefully. He had been one of Seele's rising stars in the Third Branch. He was no Doctor Akagi, but smart enough to make connections and figure things out. He had been on the fast track.

Then NERV had overthrown the Committee and all Seele connected personnel had been driven underground.

But this was his retribution.

With Eva Unit 14, he and Seele would have revenge on NERV.

In front of him, the ivory Evangelion grinned maniacally, as if sensing that its time was near. Nearby, its crimson weapon gleamed, as if hungry to accomplish its mission.

And in the shadows, a gray haired boy watched with his own, secretive smile.

Author's Notes

Urgh... Vacation, while relaxing, is not good for writing. It took me a while to get myself together, not to mention school starting up again...

Well, enough of my whining. On to actual notes.

Doctor Roberts is an ACC with no real importance to the story, other than to usher in the new Eva. I used the designation 14 because at one point in the series, Misato refers to part of the Eva Series as 05 and 06, leading me to believe that all of them had their own number.


	5. Chapter 5 Weaving A Story: Addendum

Disclaimer- I don't own Evangelion, property of Studio Gainax, Anno-san, plus a bunch of other people and associations.

Chapter 5 Weaving A Story: Addendum

There were days when Misato Katsuragi felt like crawling back into bed and sleeping for a long, long while.

Then there were days like these. When she wanted to curl into fetal ball, scream and tear her hair out, and commit spontaneous acts of violence, all at the same time.

Thankfully, she suppressed the urges, taking command of the situation in a cool, calm, orderly manner. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LOST SHINJI!"

Well, not so much orderly, calm, and cool as furious and frightened at the same time.

As the agents scattered around her, beginning a useless sweep (he had evaded them when he was fourteen, he could do so now), Misato's eyes softened and her fist clenched. "No... not again." She whispered quietly.

* * *

Something felt wrong with her... as though she was only half of what she used to be...

A name passed through her lips.

"Sh-Shinji..." Misato Katsuragi's eyes snapped open, and she bolted upright in her bed. "SHINJI!" she screamed, looking about wildly for the Third Child.

"Major Katsuragi." A familiar voice said quietly.

She turned to see Makoto standing there, looking nervous with a bandage over his forehead and his arm in a sling. "It's good to see you alive Major." He said genuinely.

Misato smiled back, shifting slightly as she felt a sharp pain in her back. "Same to you." She replied sincerely. "What happened?"

As though relieved, the Lieutenant began his report. "NERV has lost nearly 90 of its personnel and equipment to the JSSDF attack. Our defenses are blown to Hell," Makoto continued, running his free hand through his hair, "If Unit 02 and Unit 01 hadn't intervened when they did, we'd all be dead. And we still lost Unit 02 to the Eva Series..." he muttered.

The Major's face filled with joy. "Then Shinji found it in him to fight at last." She said, a proud tone in her voice. At least she hadn't screwed up the kid even more... "Wait. What did you say about Unit 02?" she back up, her voice full of sharp fear. "Is Asuka-"

Placing his hands in the air in a reassuring manner, Makoto responded, "No, she's alive. She's badly injured though... it may take her weeks to wake up. And her body's been pretty badly damaged by those fake Lance of Longinus. One of her eyes was almost beyond repair..."

Misato sighed, knowing this would hurt the fragile ego of the girl further. "Well, at least she's alive... speaking of injuries, how come I'm still alive?" she asked curiously. "Not that I'm complaining, but..."

Makoto looked indescribably guilty and pressured at this. "You were knocked into an LCL holding vat by the explosion. It managed to keep you sustained until we could get to you... but..."

When he was finished, Misato's fists were clenched, and Makoto thought she might cry.

But then, her face quirked into a strange smile. "Well, I'm alive again then, am I..." she whispered quietly. "It's better than being dead at least."

Makoto coughed, and looked downwards, his face and voice full of caring hesitation. "I'm sorry to bring nothing but bad news Major... but there's one more thing..."

This time, she did cry.

* * *

There were days when Fuyutsuki really, really wanted to retire. Days like today, for example. "I understand your concern, Katsuragi, but Section Two will find him." He said, in a patiently suffering tone.

"THEY COULDN'T FIND HIM WHEN HE WAS FOURTEEN! WHAT THE HELL CHANCE DO THEY HAVE NOW!" his second in command screamed through the phone, so loud that he had to pull his ear away and could still hear every word.

"Calm down commander. Nothing will happen to him." At least, he hoped so. Without giving the near hysterical Misato time to respond, he put the phone down, rubbing his temples wearily.

So close.

So close to the end game. And now, now he was staring down Seele, and so far, his eyes were the ones twitching.

Fuyutsuki leaned forward, and sighed. Only moral duty, to finding another way to save humanity, had kept him this long in this tiresome game of playing God with the Earth.

"Goddamn morals," the Commander muttered, and looked up slightly. They always seemed to get him in the worst situations.

* * *

This, Fuyutsuki decided, had to be the worst play for a scapegoat he'd ever seen. The United Nations had dragged him out before a tribunal, hoping to make an example of him, desperate not to make themselves look more incompetent after the assault on NERV.

He could have run, could have used the contacts he'd built over the years to hide.

But no, here he was, staring down the leaders of the world, and holding just one card in his hand, with everyone else having a full deck.

A grin threatened to cross his face, despite the fact that he was walking a thing line.

It was good to hold on to old things...

Like a certain disk he'd kept, which held just about everything on the Second Impact and Seele.

What he'd threatened to do to Ikari once was about to come to life.

The representative of the United States, the head of this tribunal, coughed, and looked at him gravely. "Mr. Fuyutsuki, do you-"

An aide rushed in, and ran in, whispering into the ear of the representative. A few whispered words and the man's eyes widened.

His voice had changed, becoming nervous and sweaty. "This tribunal is hereby suspended, pending investigation in light of certain... evidence."

Fuyutsuki allowed himself a triumphant grin. It pays to have an ace in the hole.

* * *

There was something very, very unsettling about waking up when you didn't know how you got there, Touji had decided, seven years ago.

It still rung true today.

His eyelids had the telltale heaviness of being under anesthesia, something he was quite familiar with. "Oh shit... what the hell happened to me?" Touji murmured, trying to move his arms, and finding them sluggish, unresponsive.

"You got shot." Hikari's familiar voice drifted down to him, and her worried face came into view, veiled by the ethereal lights of the hospital.

Pausing, Touji chuckled, and the brown haired woman looked at him with mild curiosity.

"What's so funny?" Hikari asked, raising a bemused eyebrow.

"This seems familiar..." Touji responded, a smile quirked on his lips. "Wouldn't you agree?"

Hikari paused, thinking, and then she blinked and chuckled. "You're right... but this time, you're a bit better off, I think."

Frowning, he tried to remember what had happened. Loud shouting... then a bang... then... blank.

"What happened?" he asked, eyelids fluttering between dream and wake.

Hikari paused, and frowned, looking away. "You... you got shot. You took a bullet for Shinji."

Touji's eyes snapped open, and he nearly shot upwards, raising himself violently. "Shinji! What happened to him!" he demanded.

Two smooth hands placed themselves against his chest, and Hikari gently pushed him backwards, looking concerned. "Shinji's fine, Touji." However, she seemed to pause, and some tightness in her face caused him to doubt.

"What aren't you telling me?" Touji asked, having known the girl for most of their lives. "I know you're hiding something."

Hikari looked down at her hands, which had folded in her lap as she sat back down. Her voice was low and quiet. "Shinji ran away again."

* * *

"DAMN HIM!" Touji roared, slamming his fist, his real fist into the whitewashed wall of the hospital room. The nurses scattered away, not eager to deal with the angry fourteen year old.

Closing his eyes, he let his battered knuckles fall next to his hips, and clenched them tightly. "That bastard... how could he-" a growl escaped his throat, and the knuckles would have turned white, if they were not already red. "How could he just _leave?"_ the voice was a strangled whisper, denying everything that had been told here.

"So then, you heard." Kensuke's thin, reedy voice drifted into the room, and the spectacled boy was leaning against the door. He was looking away, out into the window, eyes shielded from the world by glass. "I thought he was done running."

Touji didn't answer, just standing there, feeling nothing but anger toward his friend.

Ex-friend, he told himself. No real friend would abandon everyone who cared about him like a coward.

Kensuke placed his hand on Touji's shoulder, and the boy's eyes were tired. "Come on Touji... let's get you out of here." He said wearily, tugging him along.

Without protest, Touji nodded, and allowed himself to be led away.

* * *

Rei paused. "He has run away again." She murmured softly, tilting her head as she leaned into the wall.

It was coming, she knew. Felt it, deep in her soul, in that part of her that was once not hers.

But she was Rei Ayanami. She might not have been human... but she was no doll.

* * *

"This is what you were _created _for." Gendo Ikari said softly, yet his voice was the same iron, heartless tone as ever. "Now, take me to my Yui." He reached out, his hand moving as if to grope her breast.

And Rei stepped away, her eyes open, truly open for the first time since she, the third Rei Ayanami, had been released from her prison.

"I am not your doll." She whispered softly, but it was strong. Strong because she had defined what Rei Ayanami was.

Rei Ayanami... was Rei Ayanami. Nothing more, nothing less.

"What... what are you doing! Rei!" Gendo's words were harsh and pleading, at once demanding and weak.

She stepped away, and began her slow march to the surface. Behind her, the Commander and Lilith called.

She didn't refuse to answer.

She _chose_ not to.

"I will not be your pawn. I am my own person." Rei said, her final words of farewell. She didn't look back.

In her heart, that heart that was mother to a child and Mother to All, felt the suffering madness of Shinji Ikari. And she began to step toward that child.

"Shinji... be strong." The words were hers, and yet not. They were the words of a mother.

As Rei left, she dimly heard the gunshots.

* * *

Asuka frowned, listening with half an ear to the report. "So the idiot's run away again..." she murmured, absentmindedly swirling a cup of half cold coffee she had no intention of drinking.

Really, it was none of her business. A few days ago, he could have been dead for all she cared to know. And before that, well, she couldn't have called them friends, back during the Angel war. They...

Well, he was Shinji. She was Asuka. They were pilots. They lived together.

That was about as far as it went, really. There was no deep romantic connection, no meaningful friendship, no comradery between soldiers.

Just... living together.

She owed him nothing.

He owed her everything.

Scowling, she stood, setting the cup down with a half hearted slam. When the agent looked up at her, mouth opened for a question, she glared at him.

"I'm going to find the Third." Asuka said, her tone brooking no questions whatsoever.

* * *

"BASTARDS!" swinging the stolen blade of one of the Eva Series, Unit 02 was met head on by its ivory doppleganger. Their blades met, sending sparks the size of human beings flying through the air.

Asuka's eyes narrowed, and she spun, the force of the movement sending the other Evangelion staggering backwards. With the same movement, she bisected the ivory monstrosity.

Even as the two halves of the Dummy Plug controlled Eva crashed to the floor, another stood across the way from her, seemingly staring her down.

A smirk crossed her face, a confident smirk that would never be the same after today.

"DIE!" Asuka roared, and her Eva roared with her, tearing through the space between the two Evangelions. The white Eva charged her, blade raised and at the ready.

Their blades met in one violent crash, both giants struggling to overpower one another. Asuka snarled as she felt the ground beneath her Eva begin to give way, and pushed harder.

A terrible whistling noise cut through her concentration, a noise that would haunt her dreams for years to come.

Using one hand to hold off the first Eva, Unit 02 turned, just in time to see another blade come hurtling through the air, intent on piercing crimson Eva. Narrowing her eyes, Asuka summoned forth the AT field.

Her mother would protect her.

Even as the orange hexagons began to flash and glimmer in the air, the blade strained against it, as though it were possessed by some malevolent, vicious spirit.

The next moment was something that would change everything for her. For everyone.

It changed, becoming a very, very familiar two pronged spear, with a helix shape for a handle.

She screamed, and the world went dark as a searing, all consuming pain tore into her eye, and her soul.

As she lay there, helpless, clutching one eye with an arm, she struggled to move. Her whole body, her entire soul was bent on destroying her enemies.

"Kill you... kill you... kill you... kill you..." Asuka chanted, in so low a whisper in was inaudible to anyone but her.

Above, the Eva series circled above her, vultures waiting for the next piece of carrion to devour.

The sunlight was hatefully blinding, and she stared up into it, her unreachable goal.

And then...

And then the world exploded in a whirlwind of sound and dust. Over the com, she could faintly hear, through the blood pounding in her ears, the panicked shouts of the remaining soldiers as they marshaled their forces.

Loud, banging footsteps hurtled towards her... she couldn't move.

"Asuka! Asuka!" Shinji's panicked, frenzied voice seemed to be mocking her.

She tried to stand... and couldn't. Instead, Unit 01's visage appeared over her, arms outstretched, blocking the sun.

Shinji the Invincible... her lips curled in disgust, a pained grimace.

"You... you bastards!" Shinji roared, and his Evangelion roared with him. The true Lance tore through the air to land in Unit 01's waiting palm.

Her body gave out.

The last thing she saw his Eva charging, the last sounds his angered shouts.

* * *

Shinji sucked in labored breath after labored breath, feeling the sweat fall from his forehead in a low, lazy roll. Unable to hold himself steady any longer, he fell to the ground, letting the soft grass cushion his body.

Funny, how he had ran here.

Funny, he'd ran here the last time too.

The mountains hadn't changed... that was something he was rather grateful for.

It made him feel like he was still fourteen... still clean of murder and war.

NERV would find him. It always did. But for right now, Shinji needed a break.

He knew he'd have to return to Tokyo-3, both when he left, and right now. There was no escaping the fate that awaited him.

He'd known that since the Fourteenth Angel. The moment he'd declared himself the Pilot of Unit 01, he was bound to the Evangelion. Forever.

There was no more running. He'd bought himself seven years of borrow time, and he'd scraped by an existence one might call pathetic.

But no more.

Shinji had seen his friends, seen what Eva, what he'd done to them. He'd made a sort of peace with them all, even Asuka.

Now there was only one more thing he needed to do.

Because it would be in the next few days that the end would come.

Humanity would either live or die in the next hours.

And win or lose, live or die, Shinji Ikari would be there for the end of days.

He would make his peace with the world, with himself, and with those he'd hurt.

And then... and then he would die.

It wasn't some preordained fate, it wasn't destiny. It wasn't even a gut feeling.

No, Shinji _planned_ to die.

Author's Notes

All a bit confusing, isn't it? I had thought to write one more memory, from Shinji's POV, but at this point, its moot. You might be a little confused as to the ending. I won't give it away, though. You'll have to keep reading.

Also, in the first upload, I completely forgot I hadn't added Rei's section in. That was my mistake.


	6. Chapter 6 End of Days

Disclaimer- I don't own Evangelion, property of Studio Gainax, Anno-san, plus a bunch of other people and associations.

Chapter 6 End Of Days

When Touji woke up in the hospital again, he saw another head of hair, one also familiar and feminine.

And it was not one he wanted to see.

"Oh shit. What the Hell do you want?" he asked tiredly, rubbing his head as he glared up at Asuka.

"I see being shot hasn't affected your manners any, dork." The redhead shot back, raising an eyebrow.

"Just because I got shot doesn't mean I can't kick your ass you Kraut bitch!" Touji snapped, raising his good arm's fist.

Before she could give into her first impulse- to hit the currently incapacitated Touji, Asuka took a deep breath, and stepped back, looking at him seriously. "I need to find the Third. So where is he?"

Touji tried to move his arms and paused, realizing his real one was in a cast as a surge of pain echoed through his body. "Why do you care?" he asked in lieu of answering, staring at her with hard eyes.

"Because I am the Director of Operations, dummkopf." Asuka said in a matter-of-fact tone, glaring back.

"Can't you have your flunkies find him?" Touji challenged, raising an eyebrow in a "I don't believe you" sort of way.

Looking away, the redhead bit her lip and clenched her fist tightly. "Look, I don't have time for this. Tell me what I need to know."

A moment passed, and then three, and then a minute. The only sounds heard were breathing and the ticking of the clock.

Scowling, Asuka released her fist from its hold, and lifted her head up high. "Fine." She said coldly, and moved towards the door.

"Wait." She paused, lingering in the doorframe as she looked back at Touji.

Sighing, the brown haired young man leaned into his pillow. "Kensuke... Kensuke told me that Shinji went up to the mountains when he ran away once. He's probably up there." He said quietly, looking away from the redhead.

"Don't expect a thanks." Asuka said coldly, staring at him with her mismatched eyes.

"Didn't think you would." Touji shot back, staring her eyes down with his own. "I'm doing this for Shinji's sake, not yours and definitely not NERV's."

Clenching his fist, the young man looked down again, biting his lip tightly. "I'm... I'm scared he's going to doing something stupid. And I can't do a thing to help him." Pausing, Touji chuckled ironically. "I can't believe I'm saying this but..."

He looked up, and captured Asuka's gaze with his own.

"Help Shinji, please Asuka. You might be able to get through to him."

"And why would you think that?" the Second Child asked coldly, glaring back with full vehemence and venom. "If you haven't forgotten, that idiot's part of the reason why I have this." She pointed violently toward her paler eye.

"Exactly." Touji replied solemnly, Asuka flinched, actually looking surprised. "He feels he owes you something... and I'm pretty sure that at one point, you two were at least friends." He decided bringing up the "married couple" thing was not a good idea at this plea.

Asuka moved away, sniffing in annoyance as she turned away. But as she reached the door, she paused, and turned her head forwards again, facing away, into the endlessly white hallway.

"Idiot." Asuka scoffed.

* * *

"Sir." A man, unshaven and unkempt, stepped forward, a slight, professional smile on his face.

"Any news?" Commander Fuyutsuki asked, staring at him intently.

"It's as you thought. All the anti-NERV terrorist cells I tracked are empty. Their homes, their bank accounts, its as though these people never existed." The man frowned ever so slightly, and moved forward, leaning backwards against the desk, head turned towards the commander. "What does it mean, sir?"

Fuyutsuki sighed. "It means, old friend, that Seele won't be needing the JSSDF to take us out this time. They've got fanatics to do the job."

"And how do you intend to proceed?" the other man asked, a cigarette dancing on his fingertips.

"It is not NERV's survival that concerns me." The gray haired man replied slowly, leaning forward, tense. "When I took over NERV I knew I could not run it as Ikari did, placing my head in the lion's den and dancing on knives. Instead, I chose to make it into a shield, and a sword. This is Seele's last stand. They know it. I know it."

"And so you plan to end it all on the edge of a knife. Clever... but how do you plan to deal with their ace in the hole?" the other asked, bemused as he lit the cigarette, placing it with careful grace in his mouth.

"That is why I brought Shinji back. We will need every Child to get through this alive." Fuyutsuki's eyebrows knitted together, his mouth drawn into a taught line.

"So what do we do? I could help you find Shinji." The man offered, a smile playing behind the cigarette smoke.

"No... Shinji knows just as well as I do what is going to happen. It's why he came back." The Commander responded, a note of regret in his tone. "But somehow... I don't think Shinji plans to survive this."

The younger man gave a slight incline of his head, and the cigarette moved to a curled edge of the lip. "Kid's always had a bit of a death wish, if you ask me." He removed the cigarette, sighing as he flicked some ashes away.

"A bit like you, if you ask me." Fuyutsuki countered, smirking slightly as his eyes darted to his friend.

The other man grinned easily. "I never planned on getting old. Not like you."

"That might be best." The Commander said wearily, shaking his head. "Survivor's aren't the happiest people."

"Don't I know it." The younger man agreed, and flicked the cigarette away carelessly to land on the edges of an ashtray on the desk. "Well, if you won't be needing me to find your lost Child, then I suppose I'll see if I can't muster up some last minute support."

"Thank you. And be careful, old friend." Fuyutsuki cautioned, smiling slightly.

"Careful is my business." The other replied sardonically, chuckling as he turned, and waved his hand carelessly in goodbye.

"One more thing." The younger man paused at Fuyutsuki's voice, but didn't turn. "Will you come out of the shadows, when this is all over?"

The man shook his head and laughed with a bitter edge. "I'm dead already. And the dead don't need to disturb the living, Commander." With nothing else, he stepped out of the office.

The camera's would never see him leave the Geofront.

Sighing, Fuyutsuki leaned back into his chair. With a deep sadness etched on his frayed features, he looked up into the Systema Sephiroticum, its complicated patterns that wove and intertwined to form the outline of Creation itself.

"I had to try, Kaji. I had to try."

* * *

Misato sighed as she drank the lukewarm coffee, which slipped slowly down her throat. "The Commander's having us run alert one scenarios again and again... what's going on?" she looked up, frowning as the artificial lights bore down on her. "I thought this cloak and dagger stuff was over."

Footsteps rebounded across the room and she turned her head. "Oh, hey Rei." Misato greeted tiredly.

"Sub Commander Katsuragi." The First Child replied slowly, inclining her head. "Here are the results from the Eva evaluations." The pallid young woman handed over a set of papers that was filled with statistics and comments.

"Thanks." Misato said, taking the papers and leaning into her wheelchair.

Rei moved forward, until she was facing the display screen with sharp intent, and her back was to Misato. "He's coming." She whispered softly.

"What was that?" the Sub Commander asked curiously.

Instead of answering, Rei continued, "Once again... it will be his choice."

* * *

Once more, the Twelve convened, the Throne of Souls.

"The time is now." Seele 05 stated.

"Our forces are gathered, our dragon is leashed." Seele 02 agreed.

"Let loose the dogs of war, and let us burn NERV to the ground." Seele 10 added.

"And now, call forth our herald." Seele 12 rumbled.

A beam of light struck in the center of the Throne of Souls, and a gray haired boy stood there, clad in the simple attire of a white shirt, an orange undershirt, and black slacks.

"Your time is at hand." Seele 03 announced.

The boy's lip twitched slightly, curling into a hint of a grin.

"This is the end for you, Fuyutsuki, and the end of this existence as mortals." Keel mused, his hands folded and a small, tight victorious grin on his face.

"Only God Himself could stop us now." Seele 10 agreed darkly.

Keel nodded, a sardonic grin on his weathered face.

"We are the only God this world has now."

* * *

"The word has come down from Seele."

"At last... at last, the Promised Day has arrived. Humanity will be one with God, and all will be right with the world."

"Are you truly sure we can trust those men, leader?"

"Dishonorable, cowardly they may be, we are the righteous. Our purity of belief will wash away their sin. They have given us the chance we were denied seven long years ago, by that heretic Ikari and his blood."

"Then we have our orders?"

"Slaughter the sinners of the wicked NERV. Leave none alive, so that the Lord might judge them swift and without mercy, as we will."

* * *

Keeping his head low and avoiding eye contact, Shinji made his way down the mountain, not really in any hurry to return, ambling about pointlessly.

"Ouch! You idiot, you pushed me!" a boy's voice rang out, angry.

"Not my fault your so clumsy!" a girl responded tartly.

Shinji turned his head slightly, and spied two children, playing near a creek, just outside of the woods, in a sun filled meadow.

"Don't call me clumsy!" the boy, a brown haired, mousy looking child shouted.

"Well that's what you are, stupid!" the girl, a reddish brown head of hair that, for a moment, looked bright, defiant red, yelled back.

Shinji's lip twitched ever so slightly. How long was it that he could have been like that? Been a kid? Played with other kids, laughed for real, smiled for real? Came home and felt good about it, had someone there?

Maybe once.

Maybe never.

God... he was tired. So tired... These kids could die tomorrow, be swept up into a hellish moment that pure sadness and despair could create.

Twenty one, and already dying inside.

The sad part was, Shinji really couldn't bring himself to care.

"Yo."

Shinji didn't start or flinch... he didn't have the strength anymore. He was tired. "Asuka..." he greeted wearily, inclining his head without turning towards the redhead in the shadow of the trees.

"It's creepy for a grown man to be watching little kids like that." Asuka chided airily, stepping lightly until she stood next to him, facing the river and the children.

"I was about to come back Asuka. You didn't have to come." Shinji said quietly, placing his hands in his pockets.

Asuka turned towards him, and looked at him, truly for the first time in a while. Not with anger or bitter memories, but actually looking. He was taller, had filled out but wasn't quite slender, still skinny. The mousy, meek little boy was now a man that was old before his time.

"You look like Hell." The redhead commented softly, but not gently. "What happened to you?"

"You know what happened." Shinji replied tersely, but his voice hinted at some dark fear, some buried memory.

"No..." Asuka began, staring at him piercingly.

_She could always see through me_, Shinji thought darkly. The blood... the pain... there was so much that happened all at once.

"Something else happened that day. If it had just been you killing those soldiers, you would have broken down and gone catatonic, or started crying like a little girl to Misato." Asuka said seriously, crossing her arms as realization hit her.

It was making sense now. Shinji was a coward, prone to running away from his problems. But the sight of all that blood should have at least put him into shock, and there was something... troubling him.

Like he had glimpsed the End of the World.

The thought came unbidden, unwanted, but suddenly it clicked in Asuka's mind that Shinji had been acting as though he knew something, just like the Commander, both the late Gendo and the current Fuyutsuki had been the same.

"What do you know? What has the Commander been hiding!" Asuka demanded roughly, and grabbed at Shinji's shirt without thinking, pulling at a fistful until she looked him in the eye.

He looked away, but from that one second, Asuka thought she had glimpsed some unimaginable knowledge, like looking into the Gates of Heaven.

"I saw it... I saw it all for one moment. It was just once, just a glimpse, but I will never be able to erase that moment from my memory." Shinji said quietly, and the tone in his voice forced Asuka let him go.

Without bothering to straighten up, he looked away, away from the light and into the shadows of the past.

"I saw Instrumentality."

* * *

"Commander Fuyutsuki. I need to speak with you." Misato's voice was icy, and she wheeled herself in without an invitation.

Waving his hand in an irrelevant acceptance (his subordinate would force him to talk with her eventually), Fuyutsuki turned away, place his right leg on his lap and looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Yes, Katsuragi?"

"I need to know what's going on. The drills, the Evas... Shinji." Misato's eyes were rock hard, and her hands gripped the handles on her chair so tightly the knuckles were white.

"For seven years Seele has been rounding up the last of its resources to challenge us." Fuyutsuki began, without any sort of acknowledgment to the request. "I knew tracking them down individually would be nearly impossible, and the United Nations was convinced they had 'defeated' Seele." He chuckled darkly.

"Seele is an organization far older than any government. They would not be deterred that quickly." The Commander continued. "Our only chance lay in them revealing themselves, in convincing them they had the upper hand and could realize their goals."

"Instrumentality." Misato whispered, and her grip, if possible, tightened.

"Exactly. There are many paths to being one with God, and Seele would not be defeated after just one try." Fuyutsuki replied, sighing quietly.

"But why Shinji?" Misato demanded roughly, leaning forward angrily. "You didn't need to get him involved again."

"That's where you're wrong, Sub Commander Katsuragi." Fuyutsuki said coldly, using the full title as a reprimand as he turned towards her, staring her down, hard. "Shinji Ikari is perhaps the most able to combat this enemy. He knows what we're up against, what we're trying to prevent."

"But Shinji's never known about Instrumentality! He ran away, remember!" Misato shouted, knowing full well she was out of line but not giving a damn at the moment.

"But he does."

Misato stopped cold, and gaped open mouthed, her words dying on her lips.

"There was that brief moment of blinding light, after Unit 01 destroyed the last of the Eva Series. Do you remember?"

She remembered it, clear as day, impossible to forget... it was... it was...

"It was exactly like Second Impact, wasn't it?" Fuyutsuki asked rhetorically, smiling without humor. "You thought the world had ended in that moment."

The elderly man stood, arms crossed behind his back and he looked out of the windows of his massive office. "It almost did. But Shinji, blinded by hate and rage, was still able to see how wrong, how utterly wrong and despicable Instrumentality was. He felt the presence of an Angel, how close Lilith was to awakening, to cradling us all in her Black Moon again.

"But he refused it. Rei's defiance of Ikari helped to dampen Lilith's effect, but it was Shinji who made the conscious choice not to destroy humanity before Lilith could influence him entirely. Why, I don't know." Fuyutsuki sighed, rubbing his temple tiredly.

"He can be trusted to make that choice again. That's why I chose him." The Sub Commander said quietly. "Now do you understand?"

"Yes... except one more thing." Misato whispered, nodding her head and releasing her tight, choking grip on her wheelchair. "Why did he run away..."

Fuyutsuki chuckled a bitter little laugh, and inclined his head so one of his eyes met her's. "Shinji had just been tempted by the Devil, saw the End of the World in a single moment, and was now standing in a field of corpses that he created. Do you think you could cope with it?"

Misato didn't answer, and let the bitter silence reign.

* * *

Asuka didn't speak, couldn't speak. What was there to say, after such a pronouncement.

Shinji kicked a rock, letting it tumble forward slightly. "I woke up, after seeing all of that... seeing exactly what they were planning to do to us... to all of us... I woke up and all I could see was blood."

He looked at her, and the anguish there softened Asuka's heart, even if only for a moment. "Seele wanted to destroy humanity... how was I any different, using the Eva to kill all those people?" Shinji choked, biting his lip until it bled.

"I didn't want to live like that. I thought you were dying... I thought Misato was dead. There was no one left to fight for."

"Then why did you come back?" the Second Child asked cuttingly, staring him down again.

Stepping forward, until his feet were at the borders of the pure light, Shinji looked tragically sad as he turned towards her. "Asuka... have you ever felt that, if there was even just one thing you could do to help make up for a mistake, you would do it? Even if it killed you?"

"I'm no martyr." Asuka said coldly, crossing her arms once again.

"And I'm no saint. But if there's even a chance I can make up for what I've done... I'll do it." Shinji said softly. "For Misato... for Rei... for the families of the soldiers... for you."

"I don't want your help, or your pity." Asuka replied defensively, but she knew it wasn't either of those things. This was redemption.

She could feel it... this was a moment that, if she reached out right now and comforted him, patted his shoulder, or, God forbid, hold him, Shinji Ikari might live to see twenty two, and humanity would not perish in the coming night.

Asuka stayed where she was, and the moment passed.

"Let's go back." Shinji said quietly, smiling with no feeling whatsoever.

With just a bit of regret hanging in her heart, Asuka nodded silently.

* * *

Author's Notes

To those who read Chapter 5 when it was first released, I'd advise you to go back and re-read. I had forgotten to add in Rei's section for chapter 5. Doh.

Kaji's being alive. Well, I didn't want just a faceless agent to dig up this dirt and help set up the finale. Besides, its plausible he could escape. It was ambiguous, and this is my interpretation for this story.

Everything's cleared up. There's nothing more to be said, and nothing more to do.

This is the end.

Finale next chapter. The story is shorter than my usual, but this is more of an epilogue than a true story.


End file.
